(OMG that opening had me gasping for breath! Lol)
"Life, for ever dying to be born afresh, for ever young and eager, will presently stand upon this earth as upon a footstool, and stretch out its realm amidst the stars."
Kudos on the intro, Dagon (or was it Nagon? Go-Nag? Dago?). I was dying from laughter from the get-go, and when it got to "My Planted Trees Can't Be This Cute" I literally died so you'll have to let me know how it went from there. XD