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Okay, I’m just going to pray that this thread doesn’t sink into oblivion for being posted on this board. 
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Anyways, about a year ago I wrote a lyric for the ending theme of Saint Knight’s Tale. Mind you, I didn’t translate the song… I just wrote lyrics. Like most of my original songs, it came to me all at once and I scribbled it down, to be forgotten until I would look over it now and then.
Now I bring it out to you, as I have come to appreciate the words I wrote then, though the meaning has shifted from my original intent -a love song from the perspective of a friend of mine- to that of a song sung from myself to God.
honestly, it makes a whole lot more sense that way.Anyways, I ask only for your reaction – your thoughts concerning this lyric.
(Original Song)
[BBvideo 425,350]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XvPZbjdSz8 [/BBvideo]Here is the lyric:
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My reaction: in short, very positive, but allow me to elaborate a bit. I’m honestly a bit curious as to how you came up with doing this; I suppose it could be chalked up to an impulse of creative expression? (Which is as good a reason as any.)
Not having the actual translation fresh in my mind, and obviously not knowing Japanese anyway, I just went with musical rhythm and ma’ feels, and it actually clicked very well. The meter of the music’s rhythm and the composition of your writing (and what I felt out as what I’d guess is the inevitable “proper” synchronizing of the two) seem, for lack of better terminology, in tune and in step with another (están de acuerdo).
I also think the lyrics alone are lovely. Whoever’s perspective they were or are from, I seem to sense a personal melancholy at work, but not just that; it seems to rise and descend, from despair to hope, back and forth, almost tidal: but each part, ascension or gliding back down (or crashing?) has its own beauty.
The new perspective is interesting backstory to have provided (funny how you could take something and “reforge” it into something new, isn’t it?) and I personally think it is very fitting, arguably more so than its original muse (though, if revisiting/revising, with this knowledge known prior to reading, may want to consider phrasings like “my love”: not really too odd or out of place otherwise, but as I said, anyone with the foreknowledge you’ve provided might think “oh, yes, this was pieced together from a love song, wasn’t it?” but that’s just me providing as much feedback as I can.
You have a bard’s soul, if you ask me: the ease with which things poetic, musical and lyrical come to you (combined with, of course, dedication and work no doubt) is indicative of such; but unlike a bard of “ye olde days” you strike me as a true artist–your work is all your own (even when it’s a personalized adaptation) and you (if I may,
we, as in all of us of the artistic persuasion) do such things because you don’t know how notto. 
coolguyshades1 tl;dr: Good on ya, FW, good on ya.
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Well, I don’t rightly know how to reply to that… um… thank you! Very much! I appreciate a good critique like a good wind – it tells me if I’m walking the right way and if my trench-coat is too heavy to billow epically in the wind. …wow. That was a really weird analogy. Eheh.
blush1 [spoil]Also, for what you said –
wwwwhhhhoooo wrote:we, as in all of us of the artistic persuasion, do such things because [we] don’t know how
notto. 
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