Beta Thread

Forums Fan Stuff Fanfiction Beta Thread

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    DarkPatu
    Member
    After a little bit of snooping, a little chatting and a little browsing, I’ve noticed that a LOT of us are either published or working fanfiction authors. As such, I suggest that we go ahead and start posting our WIP stories either in this thread or another and glean from each other ideas, grammatical assistance, spelling, character development, etc. and try to build even better Tenchi [and other] fanfictions! Too often I’ve run across fanfictions that had loads of potential and is being nay-said or flamed because of some minor issues in grammar. And even MORE often I’ve come across a fiction that was the literary equivalent of snot. If good fics outnumber the bad ones, we’ll eventually breed them out. I’ve always enjoyed hearing people’s thoughts on my stories, and how they would have gone about the same situation, and at the same time I love giving ideas. So if anyone is willing, I’d like to start up a Beta Thread and see if we can’t get some creative juices flowing, whatd’ya say?
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      evilpii
      Participant
      none
      I’d be very interested in this. ^^v While I won’t be very fast on reading due to professional responsibilities, I’ll do what I can. Also, I’ll submit what I have. I’ve been posting segments as they get completed in this thread, but I can post a link there and actual text here. Does that sound like a good arrangement?
      Llwchwr
      Member
      This thread sounds like a brilliant idea, i will definitely be posting here any progress i make on my fanfic.
      DarkPatu
      Member
      Alright, as a starter for this I’ll lay down a part in my story that I just dropped in my most recent chapter since I’m concerned about the logistics of my methods.

      Sasami, wounded from a previous battle, is facing a massive group of cloned Tenchi’s; these being the progeny of the escaped ‘god-aspect’ that Tenchi was groomed by the Choushin to become. Tsunami comes to her aid, projecting a barrier of goddess energy to hold them at bay. Much like the Borg of old [lololol] the clones then adapt and absorb a portion of her energy and become stronger because of it.

      Now, the question I pose is does this make sense from a logical mindset? If the power that was bred within Tenchi is an extension of the Choushin, should the extensions of said power be able to counter act the original source? It makes sense for the story, but I wanted an outsider’s opinion on this.

      Llwchwr
      Member
      Hmm, trying to think about it in a logical sense would probably be a bad thing to do, can anyone truly make sense of the powers of gods?

      I suppose the only things capable of defying the power of the gods would have to be that of Tenchi or his clones in your case so i wouldn’t worry too much about it It only really matters if it makes sense in the story and it does.

      DarkPatu
      Member
      Perhaps logic isn’t the best way to look at this. I’m researching energy wavelength physics and how differing forms of energy interact with one another in an attempt to be able to explain this scientifically when Washu inevitably provides an explanation to the T. Crew concerning the changed nature of the Tenchi clones. How sad is it that fanfiction has been a doorway to bettering myself in the pursuit of knowledge instead of higher education?

      So, if two differing waves meet, obviously one would resist the other initially, but if one continues at the same amplitude and wavelength, while the other begins to increase, will the increasing energy then overtake the static? And will said increasing wave then take on aspects of the original wave? Maybe I should pose this question to a physics forum. ^_^

      The Tenchi clones are extensions of Mikaboshi, the escaped [expunged?] Godlike form that appeared at the end of OVA 3, a twisted form of the being that the Choushin had groomed Tenchi to eventually become. As such they are tied directly to Him as a font of their strength, though greatly reduced and spread across a sort of ‘hive mind’. With such intimate knowledge of the Choushin energy, is it feasible that they could adapt their own output wavelength and turn the opposing force against itself?

      Llwchwr
      Member
      Aah having Washu explain it in your story, well i did biology at A level not physics so truly i am of no help. Amplitude and wavelength are a strange way to look at these mystical powers and i’m not even sure if they would truly apply in these situations. The hive mind aspect of the clones could lead to them all adapting rapidly at the same time and as offspring of the supreme being more powerful than the chousin they might be able to do it.
      DarkPatu
      Member
      Okay, next big question. Mihoshi taking off her ribbon: it’s been said that she would lose her memory if she does so, but why? Is it holding in the back of her head or something? Personally I think it would make more sense that it is a memory dampener, something to keep the nightmares of her death and reanimation at bay and allow her a happy life. I ask your thoughts on this because our buxom blonde is featured heavily in my next scene and I’m trying to develop her as a deeper character, something that I feel would require a bit more heartache and maturity in her personality. I’m trying to put her forward as the kind of person who is a total ditz and blunders through most situations but can become serious and capable should the situation require it. I don’t want to ruffle too many feathers with it though, so I’d love some feedback on this idea.
      Llwchwr
      Member
      I prefer the memory dampener theory it would give a bit more to write about then her just losing her memory. if it was more suppressing the horrific memories of the ‘incident’ mentioned in OVA3 then if she removes it or is accidentally removed or destroyed in combat then the scene following of her mind slowly unhinging and snapping whilst the rest of the Tenchi crew try to help her or calm her would surely be a lot more moving and add to her as a character more then wiping the slate clean with memory being erased.
      evilpii
      Participant
      none

      DarkPatu wrote:

      Sasami, wounded from a previous battle, is facing a massive group of cloned Tenchi’s; these being the progeny of the escaped ‘god-aspect’ that Tenchi was groomed by the Choushin to become. Tsunami comes to her aid, projecting a barrier of goddess energy to hold them at bay. Much like the Borg of old [lololol] the clones then adapt and absorb a portion of her energy and become stronger because of it.

      Now, the question I pose is does this make sense from a logical mindset? If the power that was bred within Tenchi is an extension of the Choushin, should the extensions of said power be able to counter act the original source? It makes sense for the story, but I wanted an outsider’s opinion on this.

      One problem I see is that since OVA1, the mantra has been “Tenchi can’t be copied”. That is, if he were killed and, more importantly for your context, reborn, the godlike power he possesses would be lost also. This creates an issue with creating a clone of Tenchi with all of his power. A further issue is that Tenchi was bred to exceed the goddesses, to create something beyond them. As such, it could be argued that his power would not be an extension of theirs, so much as an evolution or something completely apart from them.

      Now, let’s throw those annoyances to the wind and run with your hypothesis. Assuming that a clone of Tenchi could be created with his full power and that the full power of Tenchi was an extension of the three goddesses, then I could see him, or a copy of him, manipulating their power to his whim, provided he was able somehow to separate the power from the goddesses. That is, if Tsunami was in control of this protective field around Sasami, Copy-Tenchi would have to wrench control of the energy being manifested by Tsunami. There would have to be a reason Copy-Tenchi could override Tsunami’s edict over that energy.

      At least, that’s my thought. ^^; Take it as you will. ^^v

      Llwchwr wrote:

      Hmm, trying to think about it in a logical sense would probably be a bad thing to do, can anyone truly make sense of the powers of gods?

      Well, understanding something is different than being able to use it. This issue came up recently in a Dresden character build I did for an RPG, where a character could redirect magic but not natively cast it. In a similar vein, this Copy-Tenchi is repurposing Tsunami’s power, not creating it himself. Think of it like driving a car. One doesn’t need to know the intricate engineering of the machine in order to drive steadily down the street. In the same light, Copy-Tenchi doesn’t need to understand Tsunami’s power if he knows how to seize control and use it.

      Now, as a writer, one should have an explanation why Copy-Tenchi could do this. A Washu explanation could be used to pseudo-science it away. ^^v

      DarkPatu wrote:

      I’m researching energy wavelength physics and how differing forms of energy interact with one another in an attempt to be able to explain this scientifically when Washu inevitably provides an explanation to the T. Crew concerning the changed nature of the Tenchi clones. How sad is it that fanfiction has been a doorway to bettering myself in the pursuit of knowledge instead of higher education?

      You’re preaching to the choir. ^^v Adapting graduate level material is how I write Washu usually. ^^v

      DarkPatu wrote:

      So, if two differing waves meet, obviously one would resist the other initially, but if one continues at the same amplitude and wavelength, while the other begins to increase, will the increasing energy then overtake the static? And will said increasing wave then take on aspects of the original wave? Maybe I should pose this question to a physics forum. ^_^

      This all depends on the physics you choose to impose. After all, the powers of the goddesses are not known to science, and may not follow the standard laws of conservation of mass-energy. This gives you utter freedom to do what you like, provided you can convince the reader to believe what you’ve said. ^_-

      The way you describe this, I could see it working. Copy-Tenchi is effectively leeching Tsunami’s power to fuel himself, acting like a conduit, a lightning rod or sorts. Assuming standard conversation laws, Tsunami would lose energy while Copy-Tenchi gains. If Tsunami’s power was literally limitless, she would never rundown, while Copy-Tenchi would continue to increase in strength. This is where you might want to determine if Tsunami had some bounds on the physical manifestation of her power, or if Copy-Tenchi had some limit on the power he could absorb or repurpose.

      As far as assimilation, I’d direct you to references on transducers, devices that convert one type of energy into another. That seems to be the endgame of your idea from what I read here.

      DarkPatu wrote:

      The Tenchi clones are extensions of Mikaboshi, the escaped [expunged?] Godlike form that appeared at the end of OVA 3, a twisted form of the being that the Choushin had groomed Tenchi to eventually become. As such they are tied directly to Him as a font of their strength, though greatly reduced and spread across a sort of ‘hive mind’. With such intimate knowledge of the Choushin energy, is it feasible that they could adapt their own output wavelength and turn the opposing force against itself?

      This is an interesting interpretation of the ending of OVA3, and I could see it working. ^^v

      Llwchwr wrote:

      The hive mind aspect of the clones could lead to them all adapting rapidly at the same time and as offspring of the supreme being more powerful than the chousin they might be able to do it.

      I like this idea. You could explain it in analogy to parallel processing. That is, as information (damage, knowledge, etc) comes into the individual units, the minds of all the units work together to solve the problem, distributing more processing to those minds not busy (i.e. in combat).

      evilpii
      Participant
      none

      DarkPatu wrote:

      Okay, next big question. Mihoshi taking off her ribbon: it’s been said that she would lose her memory if she does so, but why? Is it holding in the back of her head or something? Personally I think it would make more sense that it is a memory dampener, something to keep the nightmares of her death and reanimation at bay and allow her a happy life. I ask your thoughts on this because our buxom blonde is featured heavily in my next scene and I’m trying to develop her as a deeper character, something that I feel would require a bit more heartache and maturity in her personality. I’m trying to put her forward as the kind of person who is a total ditz and blunders through most situations but can become serious and capable should the situation require it. I don’t want to ruffle too many feathers with it though, so I’d love some feedback on this idea.

      That’s an interesting take on the talk I’ve heard about the ribbon. ^^v I wouldn’t mind it, and it would explain why she’s acted increasingly childlike through the progression of the series. Essentially, a chunk of her life experience is missing, and perhaps is preventing her from maturing. Worse yet, it could be causing her to regress. o.o; You could make Mihoshi a fairly tragic character with this idea.

      evilpii
      Participant
      none
      Following your comments on my introduction to Homecomings: Jurai, DarkPatu, I decided to adjust how I was writing the Chapter 2 of the story. I had Ramia researching a politically taboo topic regarding planet Jurai and a conquered ancient rival, Ryua. However, given the very stuffy subject matter, I inserted the following little diversion after about a page of commentary.

      Quote:

      After reading Ryobachi’s recommendation letters, the lady captain pushed all documents aside and leaned back in her chair, her index finger and thumb rubbing the bridge of her nose slowly and firmly. She could feel the fatigue creeping into her eyes and mind from all her reading. A mild throbbing found its way into her forehead. A sigh hissed from between her teeth as her fingers slid to massage her brows.

      “Goddammit, Ayeka,” she cursed to herself.

      She was worried, as much as she wanted to convince the world otherwise. Her history with Ayeka spanned over a decade, and they had shared the stresses of their respective educations with one another. She had seen Ayeka vanish from the public eye like this before, and remembered the first time they met afterward.

      Ramia could remember the sobs, soft and airy amongst the hedges of a garden maze. She could feel a cool breeze rustle the leaves around her and hear the songbirds tweet and flit amongst the branches nearby, but the somber sounds drew her closer. At the center of the maze, a preteen girl laid upon a park bench, sobbing into her arms. Her violet tresses fell around her face haphazardly, shading her features. Her small kimono was elegantly embroidered in blue hues, supplementing the darker color of her hair.

      Yet, that memory of innocent happenstance always came intertwined with a darker, far more traumatic one. With her eyes closed, she could see the bodies burning, hear the children’s pained and terrified screams. At the heart of the horrific image, she saw the violet-tressed girl, no older than herself at the time.

      Never will Ramia forget that day, though the world has, as her old friend has, just like she does not remember the battle during the recent reunion.

      I’m curious also about the pacing of the chapter since the stuffy commentary and above description directly follows the next snippet, which I posted in mini-chat the other day.

      Quote:

      The slats closed behind the captain, leaving him alone within the small hollow of Ryu-Oh’s tree. Here, the blue glow loomed around him as he knelt with the core unit. When he rested his fingers on its housing, a translucent panel appeared before his eyes.

      Upon it, Ayeka’s face gazed back at him, the Mark of Rage extending one claw over each of her cheeks. Beneath her violet locks of hair, her amethyst eyes somberly met his, giving him pause. She took a slow, careful breath, steeling herself before she spoke.

      “To whomever is watching this recording, I hope that this message finds you and Jurai safe from harm. As you likely know, a horrible shadow has fallen upon Earth and threatens not only the Empire, but also I fear, the universe at large.”

      She recorded this during the battle, Sagami thought to himself, listening intently.

      “I have instructed Ryu-Oh to release her logs of these events to someone I trust in the event that I am defeated…” She stopped herself, her eyes closing, troubled by what she must say. “… or consumed by the Enemy.”

      The officer furrowed his brows, unsure of her meaning and worried at its possibilities.

      Her eyes raised back to his, set and determined. “These records will hold not only data on what has and will become of me, but the goddess willing, a record of the Enemy’s strength and tactics.”

      Her sight turned down to her fist, which rose into the panel’s field of vision. In her grasp was Tenchiken, the ruling line’s sword key, the winding vines of its hilt extending far offscreen, stretched from the form Sagami knew. Longingly, her eyes scanned over its violet guard, glowing a soft green as her voice softened.

      “Please,” she pleaded, “make good use of this knowledge and finish the work started here.” Tears appeared and rolled down her cheeks as her brow and lips tightened, regret and anger both pushing through her. “Know that I fought this vile corruption until my last breath.” Her eyes closed tightly, her hands clutching the key closer to her chest. “Know that I was Jurai Ayeka, daughter of the Jurai royal family.”

      Her image winked away while the data core whirred beneath his fingers, copying the logs he required. However, Sagami knelt speechless in the chamber, his mouth dry and his mind racing.

      Goddess, he thought, what happened on Earth?

      What are your thoughts? ^^

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