Here’s your treat for halloween

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    Kiyoka
    Member
    Truely halloween must have left an after spell on me, for I spent about 5 hours straight (with about an hour in between for a break) working on writting. Not from my main fic sadly. I got a rush of insperation when I read a short well written werewolf transformation. This is from that OAV fic I wrote a small piece from within 40 minutes (posted in the fanfiction section)

    V READ THIS PLS

    This will be filled with grammar errors, likely spelling too. The whole segment was writen in a rush, with no planning. Only the fact I had in mind, where it goes from A (Kiyone breaking into control room) to B (turning into this mitsu creature). So it wont have care and attention, or any themes (maybe a tiny few). I barely stopped to think, and it doesn’t compare with my more carefully planned and groomed writting. Nevertheless, I still hope its atleast enjoyable. I belive I will eventually go over this with the care I give my main fic. I quite like this part hehehe.

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    As Kiyone shimmered along the wall the tapping grew in frequency confirming her suspicions the most likely spot she would find Itsugi was the communication room. Gently, she placed her ear to the door listening for his voice. Nothing but the constant typing of keys was heard, giving doubt it was a living being typing. Perhaps, she thought with growing unease it was trap. Did Itsugi know she suspected him? A faint thudding bounced along the ceiling, instantly causing Kiyone to spring into position with her gun held high, finger twitching on the trigger. Alert eyes quickly scanned the direction of the thudding, but saw nothing but intricate wiring of pipes. That must of been it she sighed with relief, an air pocket. Just as she started to relax, a faint muffle was heard from beyond the door. Kiyone whirled, realising the familiar voice. He was in there.

    Kiyone took a long breath, and gathered herself before she punched in the code she had salvaged from the records. Nothing happened at first, giving rise to the realisation the possibility the code she entered was a trap. A light ping emanated from the device after nerve wracking seconds, and the door slid open. Gripping her gun tightly, she leapt into the room with it held directly in front of her.

    The door slammed shut. Invisible locks clicked into place, and a low ping closed her confidence off. She turned to the source of the voice and tapping, which was nothing more than a recording, with a corpse slumped over. Fear was let loose with nowhere to go except to one realisation; he knew, and this was a trap.

    “You bastard!” she growled, attempting to swallow her fear in anger. She ran to the door panel typing the same code in, but just as she expected it didn’t work. Gunfire from her pistol did nothing but make a mess on the wall. There had to be another way, but looking around the confined space there was only air vents and solid walls. There was no way out.

    A low humming sound came from the air vents. It appeared to be circulating the air purposely towards her. Why? Was he trying to make her ill through the stench of the corpse? No. He was a scientist. There was a purpose behind this and like a gullible guinea pig she had walked into the cage, led by irresistible false evidence. Yet even with the blind panic numbing her thoughts she would not go down without a fight. She flew into a mixture of ramming, and firing at the door, blasting the hinges or slamming the weakest points. All to no avail as the door was completely unfazed, as if built and protected against such attacks. After one harsh shoulder ram, she staggered back, bile rising in her throat. This seemed like it was heavily planned out. The doors were resistant to her constant slams, and the door shimmered with every blast from her pistol. But she could not stop giving up, and with an almighty scream rammed the door with all her might, yet halfway tripped and toppled when a tantalising scent shut down her senses momentarily.

    With a loud gasp she leapt to her knees, tightly holding her hands over her nose and mouth. Confusion rang from after echoes of alarm after she gathered her senses from the smell. The moment she had taken a small waft, it had immediately gripped her mind and soul with inhuman desire. It was too brief to understand, Only it was barbaric and wild, and she would do anything for it. Uncharicteristicly, fear had now completely taken over, and she trembled with raw fear. The alluring scent was working it’s way past her fingers, and gently tickled her sense of smell. She literally jumped back from scent, instinctively knowing it was dangerous. Like a wolf in sheeps clothing.

    Try and she might, she couldn’t escape the strengthening smell. Her heart began to beat quicker from the rising excitement, her adrenaline poured through the cracks of her defences. More than once, and becoming more frequent, her hands lifted away then suddenly slammed back into place. Why? The word repeated over in her head. Why was she frightened? Why was this scent threatening her control? Why was it so tempting? Why was she resisting? At that moment her eyes widened with horror, the scent had crept through her defences and she found herself scrambling on her knees forward without realising. The scent had swiftly swept her will deeper into it’s embrace, and no matter how hard she fought, she continued to sink deeper from humanity.

    With what seemed to be a last grunt of control, she moved her hands from her nose, willingly allowing the scent to take her into it’s embrace. Her mind was enthralled by its dance, her body aching to fully embrace it, and her soul pounded at the last defences of her humanity, hungry for its touch.

    She stood up, leaning on the chair, panting at the incredibly strong scent from the fresh corpse. Trickles of saliva dripped from the corners of her mouth as she neared close to a gaping wound on the corpse’s cheek. Her tongue stalled inches from it, shivering with a moment of brief control, before hungrily licking a quick drop. The moment she tasted it, her humanity, her will, all self control seared away instantly as a bestial desire erupted into a ravaging storm inside her.

    Kiyone was thrown back by the shock, stumbling weakly into a wall. Sweat poured from every pore as she struggled to catch her breath with her body drowning in overpowering europhia.

    Her heart pounded against her chest with such speed and strength she was constantly shuddering from the vibrations. The groaning sounds she managed to make were lost to the loud booming in her ears.

    The euphoria feeling that coursed through her suddenly exploded onto an even greater level, with an aftermath of blinding pain in its wake. Every cell of her body burned with pain as they stretched and warped. Every vein felt as if it would sear through the skin that tingled with agony. Her voice rose above the pain, screaming humanely at first, then eroding to a inhuman moan of cooling pleasure.

    Through the haze of pain and pleasure came awareness of change. At first, the minute pain of ears lengthening was the first signs of body alteration. As she clutched her stomach tightly, her back hunched over from the pain, she became aware of new muscles forming and contracting. Bones snapped and cracked as they grew. Raw strength flowed all over, forming over the previous weak limbs and body. The times pleasure rose above the pain, her deteriorating human voice growled and moaned in ecstasy and power. It was exhilarating.

    As her bulk grew out from human proportions, so did her clothes. Slow to stretch to breaking point, but quick to helplessly shred away against the aggressively growing body. Her shoes the first to be completely torn away as a swollen feet ripped an opening out with sharp black claws, leaving only a tight band of remains around her ankle. The tight fitting gloves always worn shredded within seconds as huge bloated hands swelled into thick padded paws also tipped with long claws. Moments later, breathing became strained as her tight fitting shirt refused to give way to the expanding torso. When it finally gave way, the bestial woman roared, its huge torso muscles flaring out, unconstrained by the constricting humanity it broke free from wearing.

    The snarling creature snapped its teeth together just as they started to grow into flesh tearing fangs. Pupils shrank back into rounded slits against bloodshot eyes. Swiftly, the remaining traces of humanity were buried under a sweeping, thickening swarm of grey’ish blue fur that quickly spread over the bland pale skin.

    Thick saliva matted her thick fur coat following roars of pain. Kiyone clutched her throbbing head tight, the roars becoming high pitched screams as twin stumps formed and burst open slowly revealing growing ridged horns. Blood erupted from the stumps in thick rivers, clotting fur in its wake until it splashed into drying saliva and tears at the foot of the mountain of fur and muscle.

    Another stump formed, this time on her tail bone. The forming of bone and new growth of a limb sent the creature into a chorus of maddening shrieks and howls. It slammed the rapidly growing limb into the walls and floor, trembling as it swelled and grew into a huge muscular tail far taller and bulkier than a human male.

    Her feet, now growing twice as long, began to snap painfully into a new position along with the bones. With her knees bent, her feet arced up leaving thick padded front feet to thump heavily on the floor. It wasn’t enough however to mask the strained shuddering gasps rising in intensity as her mouth stretched into a long thin tipped muzzle.

    The snarling, salivating she creature had far outgrown the average height of any human. Just minutes before fully forming and growing, the beast was forced into a hunchback. Its long thin horns clanged loudly when it reached the ceiling. Echoing with the rumbling sound from its throat.

    The moment it fully grew the 12 foot Kiyone creature raised her long head, brandishing its long line of finger length teeth, and letting out a ear splitting roar filled with a mindless, wild rumble that shook the room and everything in it with it’s sheer strength.

    Heaving herself forward, the creature once a humanoid, now only recognisable by its previous appearance of long teal hair, sniffed the corpse with hunger. There were no longer pupils in the blue filled orbs of the creature. Only a wild hunger. One that could only be sated by feasting on the rich flesh of a noble.

    One last roar of satisfaction was heard before the mindless Kiyone beast bared her teeth and savaged the corpse in her mouth, tearing it apart in an orgy of hunger and pleasure. The bones were not even spared, easily crunched to dust by the force of her jaw. By the end of the quick feast only shreds of clothes from the corpse remained. Kiyone licked every last drop of blood from the floor and herself, before the adrenaline dissipated and the wave of exhaustion caught up with her, instantly causing her to pass out. The moment she did, her towering form shrunk and morphed back to normal.

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      Llwchwr
      Member
      Very good piece of writing, brilliant description of the transmogrification process which i don’t think i’ve read anything like before or at least recently. You captured the characters emotions very well i think although as you did mention there are a few spelling mistakes dotted here and there. For such a marvelous little bit of writing have … have an eyeball i ‘borrowed’ from a mate of mine.
      wwwwhhhhoooo
      Moderator
      none
      :WUTH: scary! Yes, very Halloween-theme appropriate, to say the least. The buildup of the actual transformation was so descriptive, it’s like you experienced it yourself. It was descriptive and long, but I think the payoff was worth it.

      Maybe, maaaaaybeee since the transformation was very descriptive, her morphing back to human form (for the first time) could be a bit more descriptive, but you’re right in that you wouldn’t want it as detailed as the transformation itself because, well, we’ve “seen” it already, wouldn’t want to make people read it all again, save in reverse (but this is me trying to find something to critique, it really doesn’t need changed, except for, as you yourself are already aware of, minor editing tweaking with spelling).

      Thanks for the Halloween treat :D this, like so much of your writing, is a side of Tenchi-lore that I don’t think we’ll ever see in actuality 😆 but also is not seen elsewhere in the fanfiction world. You’ve really made Kiyone (and/or, rather, her ‘darker side’) your own, and used your abilities for a very, very different view of the Tenchi universe.

      Is this going to be incorporated into your larger work, or will this be its own separate arch? Or is this just a special treat, and maybe we’ll get one next Halloween?

      chucklocker
      Participant
      none
      So I FINALLY got around to reading this, but it was certainly worth the wait! I must say I do thouroughly enjoy these spurts of creativity you have! This was a triumph of descriptiveness and a prime example of “less is more.”. I was particularly entertained by the very visceral description of the transformation. The line about her veins searing throughout her body was a very good touch. I think this exercise is very good for your other writings as it shows that you can change up your style. If you do decide to work on this again feel free to call on my editorial skills, and I promise that I’ll get to it much faster this time! :P
      evilpii
      Participant
      none
      Reading this myself, I find this focused primarily on the transformation from the Makibi Kiyone character we all know into some savage beast, roughly based on the mitsu from Okuda’s manga.

      Overall, ignoring the grammatical issues, the description was quite visceral with lots of focus on the individual stages of the transformation. This succeeded in taking the reader aback as to the extent of the reconfiguration of Kiyone’s body. However, a picky point would be from where did her extra mass arise? Considering she started roughly shy of 5’6″ and ended over 12′ in length indicates a substantial increase in bulk, as emphasized in the scene. Something that could not only explain this, but also add to the horrific sight, would be for her to consume the corpse beside her as she transforms, rather than afterward. That way, whatever heightened metabolism is causing her body to change could process the other body into her own mass. Moreover, having her covered in the corpse’s blood and entrails as she grows ever more bestial, no doubt, would cause her to be more magnificently primal.

      I am interested in the emotions that she felt during this event. The pain of the transformation would be obvious, though the pleasure is another matter. Granted, endorphins might be the culprit, though I’m curious as to what part of her psyche might relish this metamorphosis. Might there be a dark part of her mind that she has kept hidden? Kiyone is known for being fairly well-disciplined and restrained, but we know she has fits of anger now and then. While her body might send her pleasure from the pathogen in the room, would she enjoy it as well?

      In terms of plot, this segment is fairly scant, with good reason. This is likely to be integrated into a larger piece. However, several questions have come to mind. Where is her partner, or backup? Why would she walk into a trap if she had an inkling of its existence? Why did she not use some other implement besides her hand to stop the gas, such as her shirt or a GP-licensed rebreather? She is known as the “paragon of detectives”, so one would think she might anticipate or be more careful in this situation.

      Kiyoka
      Member
      Sent part of my spoilerific reply to you through PM Pii ^^

      Quote:

      I am interested in the emotions that she felt during this event. The pain of the transformation would be obvious, though the pleasure is another matter. Granted, endorphins might be the culprit, though I’m curious as to what part of her psyche might relish this metamorphosis. Might there be a dark part of her mind that she has kept hidden? Kiyone is known for being fairly well-disciplined and restrained, but we know she has fits of anger now and then. While her body might send her pleasure from the pathogen in the room, would she enjoy it as well?

      I’ll tell you why she’s enjoying it during the transformation. Adrenaline. The excitement of consuming the flesh that drives her senses and soul crazy, the power and feel of becoming superior. A few seconds or so into her transformation she’s no longer herself anyway. Power corrupts. I’ve seen it done in fics where they describe the excitement. I can’t quite put it into words atm though ^^

      Quote:

      In terms of plot, this segment is fairly scant, with good reason. This is likely to be integrated into a larger piece. However, several questions have come to mind. Where is her partner, or backup? Why would she walk into a trap if she had an inkling of its existence? Why did she not use some other implement besides her hand to stop the gas, such as her shirt or a GP-licensed rebreather? She is known as the “paragon of detectives”, so one would think she might anticipate or be more careful in this situation.

      The intro of the fic is in another topic (titled something like written in 40 min), which I really did write in 40 min and the plot as I went along. That should answer most of your questions.

      As for her behaviour (and plot) before the transformation, it was to be blunt: rushed. I gave it little thought, because I needed something writen before the transformation so I could draw on something (er.. if that made sense?) I simply couldn’t write the transformation without something before it.

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