Mihoshi’s Date (16+)

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    Kiyami
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    First of all, I wrote this as a parody. None of it is completely serious and shouldn’t be taken as such. For instance, the first chapter, I had either been drinking or whatever lol. It’s a funfic ;) Slightly suggestive themes, language, stuff, hence the 16+. Yes I wrote this under the dA/Fanfiction.net accounts Dizzypony. No this isn’t my formal style of writing.

    Chapter One

    One day, it was probably late in September as the leaves in rural Okayama had started to change color, Mihoshi was sitting around the house really bored. Noike had tried to yell at her to do chores, but she didn’t listen to her. She only liked it when Kiyone yelled at her. Sure, Kiyone hadn’t been seen since the Ultra Energy Matter case, but, Mihoshi remembered vividly her behavior, her beautiful long teal hair. She would rather have her than Noike, but life had ended up this way.

    Sitting on the couch in the Masaki Household, she turned around when she heard creeping down the stairs; the wooden steps creaked. It was Tenchi, so she smiled at the earth boy.

    “Hi Tenchi! What’s up?” wondered Mihoshi.

    Tenchi rubbed the back of his head, “Ugh, I have to go to the field and harvest carrots. Then I have lessons with grandpa, but I don’t feel like doing anything. I’d rather go on a date with Sakuya than do any of those.”

    “Oh right, apparently Sakuya sent you another stalker letter…” pointed out Mihoshi, eyeing the mail slot in the front door, stuffed with love notes from Sakuya… a strange girl Tenchi had met while at college in Tokyo, “Why don’t you skip all that stuff? We could go do something.”

    Tenchi blinked.

    “But… I’m expected to do these things,” he replied, then grinned, “Want to see a movie, Mihoshi?”

    She blinked.

    “What about the others?” she wondered.

    He smiled, “Just the two of us.”

    Mihoshi smiled too… that meant… a date. It had been ages since she was on a true date with a boy, on a far away planet. He had been a fiance, betroved to her by the Lady Seto, also known as the devil princess of Jurai. Nobody really liked her, especially after she made Noike Tenchi’s official fiance. Anyway, that boy had broken her heart so she didn’t like thinking about it. Tenchi was nice.

    “Okay! Let me get ready,” Mihoshi jumped up and ran up stairs to do… womanly things.

    “Oh crap, now i’ll be waiting an hour…” sighed Tenchi, but surprisingly Mihoshi was down in five minutes. Must have just used her cube.

    “Let’s go before the others find out,” suggested Mihoshi, as Tenchi took her hand and they exited the house.

    From inside the kitchen door, Sasami had been watching and listening to the entire exchange. She smiled, going back to her soup which would be delicious. Ryo-Ohki sat on her head, meowing.

    As Tenchi and Mihoshi left, the boy thought to himself, “Wasn’t I supposed to meet someone at the carrot field?”

    Yes, he was. Noike in fact, who with folded arms sat on a bench in the vast field of just carrots, a pissed off expression on her face. She was unaware that Sakuya was there, standing behind a tree. She had also been waiting for Tenchi. With a video camera ready.

    Now, where were Ayeka and Ryoko, you ask? Well, Ayeka had gone grocery shopping for Sasami, getting ingredients for tonight’s dinner. Ryoko had kind of gone with her, feeling that buying new sake was the most important thing. Ayeka walked with two plastic bags, as the space pirate carried a jug of sake, flying above her. Many people stared at the flying woman, for flying wasn’t normal. Ayeka growled.

    “Ryoko, unless you want the government to arrest you, get down here. And help me with the groceries; They’re heavy,” demanded Ayeka in a huff. Ryoko rolled her eyes, but settled on the ground, taking one of Ayeka’s bags.

    “This isn’t heavy at all…” commented Ryoko.

    As the women walked together, suddenly they noticed two familiar faces on the other side of the street. It was Tenchi and Mihoshi, holding hands, walking in the direction of a cinema.

    “What are they doing?!” exclaimed Ryoko.

    “I… don’t know. But.. let’s follow them?” suggested Ayeka, also feeling slighted. Why was Tenchi spending time with the blonde and not either of them?

    “Well the film choices are either Finding Nemo 3D or Magic Mike,” spoke Tenchi, reading the sign, “What should we see?”

    “I’d rather see something cute,” replied Mihoshi, so they ended up seeing Finding Nemo. In the theatre they sat together, holding hands and sharing curried flavored popcorn. It was good.

    Ayeka and Ryoko thought they had caught up to them, finding the theatre they looked up at the sign.

    “They’re probably in Magic Mike, right? Tenchi wouldn’t see a kids’ movie..” assumed Ryoko.

    Ayeka nodded, and they bought tickets for Magic Mike. They entered the theatre, which was full of middle-aged women and a few men.

    “… I don’t see them,” spoke Ayeka.

    :One Hour Later::

    Ryoko and Ayeka’s eyes were glued to the screen, watching the sexy male strippers in the film, “Oh… my god..”

    “Really, people watch this vulgar stuff?” replied Ayeka, though she didn’t look away.

    Mihoshi and Tenchi, on the other hand, were enjoying Finding Nemo. And their popcorn. And eachother’s company. Neither of them noticed Sakuya in the back of the theatre, watching. Watching them. As the film ended and the lights came on, she ran out quickly before anyone spotted her.

    “Yay, thanks Tenchi,” Mihoshi said, standing up. Tenchi followed her out to the theatre lobby.

    “It was great spending time with you, Mihoshi,” he spoke, holding her hand.

    They spend the next two hours in an arcade, then walked through a park before heading home.

    As they passed the carrot field, they heard a loud growling noise.

    “Tenchi! Where have you been?” asked Noike, “And Mihoshi, your chores!”

    “We were having fun,” admitted the blonde with a smirk.

    “Fine, but now it’s time to get stuff done… And Tenchi… I’ve been waiting all day for you here,” barked Noike, then sighing.

    “Sorry to keep you waiting. I just really needed some relaxation,” he pointed out.

    Mihoshi headed back to the house, entering and taking off her shoes. Sasami poked her head in the foyer, “Mihoshi, have you seen Ryoko or Ayeka? They’ve been gone for hours…”

    Mihoshi shook her head.

    In the family room, Washu sat drinking tea, an annoyed expression on her face, “I know where they are… watching horrible American films… I can see it too…”

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      Kiyami
      Participant
      none
      Mihoshi’s Date, Chapter Two

      A week had passed by since Mihoshi’s secret date with Tenchi, so it was now early October maybe. More carrots were growing in the field, Ayeka and Ryoko went to the cinema more often together and Noike still yelled at everybody like she owned the place.

      Tenchi sat up in his bed, eyes fixating on a black dot on his cieling. He sighed and opened his bedroom door.

      “Washu, Sakuya installed a camera again…” he exclaimed, though everybody was apparently passed out downstairs from too much sake and Cards Against Humanity the night before. Ryoko and Ayeka were on the couch and Sasami was in the kitchen, since she is still a kid. Washu was doing some science stuff. Mihoshi…. was still asleep in his bed. Thank god for alcohol, or he wouldn’t have gotten away with having her up there. But, it was quiet. Too quiet. Where was Noike?

      Six Days Earlier….

      Amagasaki had made the depressing trip back to Tokyo, after a weekend back in Okayama. He had hoped to visit his old pal Tenchi, and the hot alien women living with him, but unfortunately Tenchi had never heard the phrase “Bro’s before ho’s” and according to to his friend, Sakuya, had gone out on a date with some blonde chick.

      He sniffled, holding back tears from his fellow travelers.

      “Bro’s before ho’s, Masaki!” he whined to himself as he disembarked from the train.

      He hadn’t been the only one disappointed. Noike had waited all day in the carrotfield, being casually stalked by a girl with a video camera. She could see the lense and te reflection of the glasses behind a tree.

      “I can see you!” she exclaimed.

      “No, I’m a tree!” insisted Sakuya.

      Noike sighed deeply, and continued to wait. She counted the clouds that looked like penises and the ones that looked like Seiryo’s hair. Finally, after her skin had become an apple red, Tenchi finally appeared, holding hands with Mihoshi.

      “We were just having fun,” the blonde had said, with a smirk…That smirk.

      Six days later…

      “Sasami, where is Noike?” wondered Tenchi. Sasami turned around and smiled.

      “Haven’t seen her. I’ve gotten so much cooking done,” she replied.

      Tenchi continued searching for his fabulous fiancee, but all he found was a note on the coffee table. He read it.

      Dear Tenchi,

      I’ve gone to Tokyo.

      ….. ….. …. …. …. …

      Love, Noike

      And nobody actually cared. Tenchi crumpled up the note, shrugged his shoulders and threw it in the trashcan. Miles away in Tokyo, Noike had found herself in a bar in Shibuya.

      “I’m his fiancee… Betroved to him by my psycho adoptive mother. I’ve only known him for a few months, and he just throws that possibility away,” she complained while sitting at the bar, drinking a gin tonic.

      “Oh that’s nothing. My best friend… ever since we were tykes and he ditches me for a bunch of hot alien women. I went all the way to see him, and he’s out dating one of them,” said Amagasaki as he sat next to her. Noike turned to face him.

      “You mean Tenchi?” she spoke, and he nodded with surprise.

      “You’re one of those women? And you’re his fiancee? What the hell, Tenchi,” he started crying.

      “I’m thinking of breaking it off. I might just stay out here,” Noike explained, sipping more of her drink.

      Suddenly it was dark, and closing time… and they played that Semisonic song. Amagasaki started singing to it, and then Noike joined in as they payed for their drinks and other patrons left.

      “So, do you need a place to stay?” offered Amagasaki.

      Noike nodded, “Yes I do.”

      She smiled and took his hand, and they headed back to Amagasaki’s apartment.

      By the next day, Ayeka and Ryoko had sobered up and headed to the cinema to watch more bad American films together. Washu had emerged from her lab and turned on the television.

      “I thought they’d never leave. I almost missed Doctor Who!” she said.

      Mihoshi and Tenchi had gone for a walk outside, admiring the trees and the silence since Noike had left, as Sakuya watched. Pausing for a moment, they kissed.

      “Wanna go eat at Jonathon’s?” offered Tenchi, “I’ll treat.”

      Mihoshi’s face lit up with a smile, “Sure.”

      Back in Tokyo, Amagasaki and Noike explored Tokyo together, still holding hands. They visited the Tokyo Tower, some parks and even walked by the Hikawa Shrine.

      “Either buy a charm or leave. Stop it with the PDA,” complained Rei, the shrine priestess as she swept the steps. A blonde and a burnette were with her.

      As Noike and Amagasaki walked away, Usagi spoke, “What’s with that guy’s nose? It’s bigger than the donut I had this morning.”

      “Oh my god, Usagi. You don’t just ask about people’s noses,” Rei barked back.

      “Maybe it’s a tumor…” thought Makoto.

      Rei facepalmed.

      Next the couple went back to one of the shopping districts, packed with tourists and locals alike. They had lunch and Noike bought some new clothes for the first time since she had arrived on Earth. Amagasaki thought she looked lovely in everything and even paid for them. Noike was just happy that she had finally found someone. On exiting the clothing shop, she bumped into a woman with hair quite similar in color to hers, with light skin and blue eyes wearing an employee uniform.

      “Oh, sorry about that, Ma’am,” she bowed, hurrying up to start her shift.

      “Don’t mention it..” replied Noike, noticing the name on the woman’s uniform.

      “Kiyone”

      -Author’s Note:

      Right, this probably isn’t as crazy or funny as the last chapter. Though I have had time to think of new ideas, I really just wanted Noike and Amagasaki to spend time together and only focus subtly on Mihoshi/Tenchi. And is that Kiyone working retail in Tokyo? We shall see. Last time I wrote, I had a lot of Red Bull and coffee in my system.

      chucklocker
      Participant
      none
      This is pure magic! I don’t think I have laughed or smiled so hard reading a story in a long time! You picked the right name for it, “funfic” :D I just love how you’re playing with the “cannon” and your zany character behaviors! PLEASE keep making more of this! I look forward to the wacky misadventures of the Tenchi gang in their most bizarre tale yet!
      shadowsfall0
      Participant
      none
      This definitely was deserving of the title “Funfic” and I’d like to echo what chuck said. It was so great and definitely gave me a nice laugh ^.^ keep up the work on the story, I look forward to reading more of it! I love its wackiness and strangeness cx :Tenchismile:
      "For the curse of life is the curse of want. And so, you peer... Into the fog, in hope of answers."
      evilpii
      Participant
      none
      To put my response in a short context, I loved this little piece. ^^v I adored the way you mashed up all the continuities and recast characters appropriately: Sakuya as a stalker, Amagasaki as the ditched bro, and poor Kiyone working at the shop. Admittedly, if Tenchi became primarily a sitcom, rather than scifi, I would watch a series of this nature. ^^V

      Also, the cameos and references were absolutely lovely. ^.^ I do think you missed a trick after Makoto’s “tumor” comment, having someone say “It’s not a tumor!” ^_- And, are Ryoko and Ayeka really repeatedly seeing Magic Mike, or other films? ^^;

      However, I did see one little issue that had me thinking for a bit. How did Sakuya get from stalking Noike all day in the carrot field to lurking in the back of Finding Nemo when Mihoshi and Tenchi left? Does she teleport while off-camera like Jason Voorhees? ^^;

      ookamilord
      Participant
      i loved it lol i smiled and laughed at it even when i lost my place and reread the same line i still enjoyed the jokes. next up kero sits on tenchi and washu wants to use him in her experiments
      Kiyami
      Participant
      none
      A warning that there is some NSFW language in this spin-offy chapter. Again, don’t take my stuff seriously. I plan on editing it/adding to it at some point, possibly. I may even add Sakuya or Tenchi/Mihoshi stuff in, but I really wanted to focus on Kiyone, because she is awesome.

      —-

      “Kiyone”

      -One Year Earlier-

      My name is Kiyone Makibi, and I used to have it all. I’ve starred in at least one series you may have heard of, plus some movies you may have seen as well. And then it happened. Before you asked, that thing wasn’t Mihoshi leaving me stranded in space on some wacky invention of a mad scientist. That’s a bullshit story and she knows it.

      The truth is, I was handed a pink slip from the very man that helped draw life into me. I still remember the day I was retconned, stripped from the canon. Someone must have pissed in his cornflakes that morning, because I didn’t even see his face. My services were no longer needed in the Tenchi Muyo franchise, unless I wanted to play the role of Tenchi’s mother, but he did offer me some roles in two of his other series. I wasn’t about to whore myself out in the world of hentai, so I flipped him off and left forever.

      Ever since, I’ve been working retail in Central Tokyo, living day to day in a cramped apartment. At night, I go to the local bar and drink my worries away.

      -One Year Later-

      This one night, I met this girl.

      We had met earlier that day, in the store I worked in, and then again at my favorite bar so it must have been some destiny bullshit. She was there sitting with her boyfriend, I guess because their hands never separated, and since there were no other seats I was forced to sit awkwardly next to them.

      “Kiyone, what’ll it be?” asked Nagi, the bartender. Yeah, that’s right, she got shafted too after Tenchi Universe was over, but she made a damn good drink, and she was someone I could trust.

      “The usual, Nagi.”

      The woman next to me heard my name and turned to me, her hair a different shade a teal and face much more ugly.

      “Kiyone? You’re Kiyone Makibi, aren’t you?” she asked.

      I faked a polite smile, not really wanting to talk to this woman, however she knew me.

      “Why, yes, I am. And you would be?”

      “I’m Noike Kamiki Jurai. I was hired after you left. People were calling me the new you, but I never saw the resemblance,” she explained.

      “Nope, not at all. Please don’t tell Mihoshi where I am,” I insisted, “Ever.”

      She agrees and goes on to tell me all of the crap that has happened in this show since I was fired; Tenchi having a half-brother, Tenchi’s half-brother getting sent to his death in another dimension, Tenchi having an affair with Mihoshi and how the script called for all of the girls, barring Satsunami, to get married and have children with Tenchi. All of them. Even Ryo-Ohki got in on that action.

      “I’m leaving to be with Amagasaki, so maybe there will be an opening, if you’re interested,” she offered. She could guess my answer by the way I took my shot of whiskey.

      “I am never ever ever, getting back into that series,” I sang, “No thank you.”

      “Well then, you must be looking for work,” she replied.

      The truth was, I hadn’t actually been actively seeking it. I liked my simple life, though I could use the extra dough I wasn’t desperate.

      “I hear Pokemon is always hiring,” she suggested with a nostalgic grin, “You know, before I started acting on Tenchi, I played Butch for a couple seasons.”

      “No way,” I spoke with sarcasm, but she had given me an idea.

      The next day, after my hangover, I headed down to the Pokemon Studios with my resume in hand, and they happily gave me a role as an Officer Jenny.

      Simple format- Ten year old cockfight– I mean Pokemon trainer travels throughout the world without any parental supervision, abusing animals trying to earn badges. The bad guys, usually Team Rocket, show up and try to steal his Pokemon, every episode. My job was to stop this evil, as a Galaxy Police Officer; I mean Officer Jenny. There was also this part where some 15-year old boy hits on me. It was awkward.

      “Isn’t that Team Rocket?” I spoke one day, pointing to a man with lavender hair, a woman with magenta hair that spiraled and a talking Meowth.

      “What? How can you tell?” wondered Satoshi, the show’s main character for twenty years, though somehow he was still ten years old.

      “CUT!” yelled the director of the show, at me, “For the last time, Officer Jenny, Kiyone. Read your lines!”

      “But it’s obviously Team Rocket!” I pointed out, “Those aren’t even convincing disguises!”

      “Yes they are!” insisted Ash.

      “I sewed all of these costumes by hand,” complained James.

      “It’s always obvious who they are, but you fucking fall for it every episode,” I said, getting a glare from my beautiful magenta-haired co-star.

      “Look, Kiyone. This is a kids show. Sure, we can show my bare stomach or upskirts but we can’t use language like that,” Jessie said to me, “If you want to make it here, just follow your script!”

      “Okay, okay,” I sighed, as the director yelled action again.

      Later that night, I went to the bar with Jessie. We ordered some drinks.

      “I’m sorry, I guess a kids’ show is a lot different from a harem,” I complained as she sipped a cocktail, shrugging.

      “One boy surrounded by a bunch of girls,” she replied, “Not really, in this case.”

      “At least he doesn’t marry and have kids with each of them like the asshole in charge of my ex-franchise,” I said.

      “Nah, that only happens in fanfiction,” said Jessie. The woman from the previous night walked in and sat down next to us, and Jessie waved, “Hey Butch… I mean Noike.”

      -To Be Continued-

      evilpii
      Participant
      none
      This is another cute segment, particularly laden with commentary on Kiyone’s woes as a character on the show. ^^; I also appreciated Nagi’s brief appearance as the bartender. ^^v It also seems like Amagasaki got some action after all. <_<;

      While I am not well-versed in Pokemon, I did laugh at the commentary of both the author and Kiyone on the concept of the series. kiyonesmile1 Looking at the character design, one does wonder if Kiyone found other work after Tenchi. ^^;

      And, the same holds true with Noike and Butch… wth2

      Still, the piece was short and fun, a quality “funfic”. mmhmm1

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