Tenchi In Tokyo Sequel!!!

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- May 10, 2012 at 7:43 AM
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DarkRoxima
Member

Hey guys! I just wanted to share a fanfic that I had for ages! And I want to hear your thoughts. So let me fill in with what I have stored. This is a Tenchi in Tokyo sequel, and hopefully my fanfic will fix the haunting damages that TIT left. (it is the least likable in the series). Also this will tie in to Tenchi Universe with a bit from the OVA. Now I have not written anything yet but I just started with the prologue. It’s not completed but I will share from what I have. also I wrote this on an iPhone so I haven’t uploaded this to FanFiction.net. And also I left a cliffhanger too, muahahah.

Tenchi in Tokyo: Lost Memories

Ep: 1

No Need For a Prologue

Previously on Tenchi in Tokyo…

“I must get Sakuya back!” Tenchi thought, running through the crystallized buildings surrounding Tokyo.

“Do you remember her, Tenchi?”

Tenchi looks at the image of Sakuya that Washu is projecting on the wall in his apartment.

“Yugi…”

There was a building a few minutes ahead, the only building that was the least consumed by Yugi’s crystals. He needed to get to higher grounds.

It’s quiet. There is no sign of life anywhere. All but crystals and darkness surround him.

Suddenly, at a distance, Tenchi manages to locate a cluster of large crystals in the sky, filled with an aurora of energy.

With the urge of finding his love, Tenchi goes forth to what it seems to be Yugi’s lair by leaping to the nearest crystals he could find.

“Yugi!!!!”

Meanwhile at Yugi’s lair, both Mitori and Yugi look down on him.

“Seems he’s eager to get his girl back. Should I deal with him?” said Mitori

“Mitori, just let him through. I don’t want you to miss the show. I’ll give him what he wants.”

Tenchi takes a giant leap towards Yugi’s lair and before he arrives, a flash of light appears and Tenchi is blinded by it. Tenchi struggles to open his eyes and regain sight. Slowly Tenchi begins to open his eyes. He begins to see a blurry image of a place very familiar to him. When he fully regains his sight, he is floating down upon the high school entrance.

“What’s going on? How did I end up here?” He thought.

He lands safely yet confused. While looking around for answers, he notices a groups of people out in the main entrance. He runs towards them.

“Hey!!! Wait up!!” Still they don’t respond to him. “Help!!! I’m looking for someone!”

One of the girls stops and turns around, and Tenchi comes to a complete stop.

Sakuya…

Is, that, really you…?

“Hey Tenchi! Is everything, OK with you?” She replied.

Tenchi is in loss with words. He slowly goes up to her.

Sakuya…

“What’s wrong with you? It looks like you just saw a gh…”

Tenchi quickly hugged her before she could even finish.

“I thought I lost you…” he said, with a tear running down his face.

“You did lose her, Tenchi…” she said.

Tenchi looks down on her and before he realizes, he rapidly feels excruciating pain below his chest. Sakuya has pierced him through his stomach with her own hand.

Tune in next time until the author finishes this on a computer and more!!

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- - May 11, 2012 at 9:55 PM
  - Quote
  Kiyoka
  Member
  
  ~~Quote:~~
  
  “Do you remember her, Tenchi?”
  
  Tenchi looks at the image of Sakuya that Washu is projecting on the wall in his apartment.
  
  Is this supposed to be a flashback? There’s no clear indication. Changing the font is fine, but let the readers know its a flashback. I’ll write it how I’d do it in my style. MMy addition is in bold.
  
  “I must get Sakuya back!” Tenchi thought, running through the crystallized buildings surrounding Tokyo.
  
  As his feet ached along with his heart, a stubbon memory flashed in his mind.
  
  “Do you remember her, Tenchi?”
  
  Tenchi looked at the image of Sakuya that Washu projected on the wall in his apartment.
  
  ~~Quote:~~
  
  It’s quiet. There is no sign of life anywhere. All but crystals and darkness surround him.
  
  It was quiet <-- Do not use "its quiet" unless someone is speaking it. Tenchi took a giant leap towards Yugi’s lair and before he arrived, a flash of light appears and Tenchi is blinded by it. Tenchi struggles to open his eyes and regain sight. Slowly Tenchi begins to open his eyes. He begins to see a blurry image of a place very familiar to him. When he fully regained his sight, he was floating down upon the high school entrance.
  
  “What’s going on? How did I end up here?” He thought.
  
  He landed safely yet confused. While looking around for answers, he noticed a groups of people out in the main entrance. He ran towards them.
  
  “Hey!!! Wait up!!” Still they don’t respond to him. “Help!!! I’m looking for someone!”
  
  One of the girls stops and turns around, and Tenchi comes to a complete stop.
  
  Sakuya…
  
  Is, that, really you…?
  
  “Hey Tenchi! Is everything, OK with you?” She replied.
  
  Tenchi is in loss with words. He slowly walks up to her.
  
  Sakuya…
  
  “What’s wrong with you? It looks like you just saw a gh…”
  
  Tenchi quickly hugged her before she could even finish.
  
  “I thought I lost you…” he said, with a tear running down his face.
  
  “You did lose her, Tenchi…” she said.
  
  ~~Quote:~~
  
  Tenchi looks down on her and before he realizes, he rapidly feels excruciating pain below his chest.
  
  Doesn’t make sense. How can he feel pain before realising? I’ll try and re write it
  
  Tenchi looked down in confusion, which was cut through in an instant replaced by a sharp excruciating pain below his chest. Before he realised it, blood had surrounded his feet.
  
  Its your fic, and I’m not an editor. I may have missed some things though. So take my edits and stuff like a pinch of salt.
- - May 12, 2012 at 1:47 AM
  - Quote
  DarkRoxima
  Member
  
  Thanks for the editing. This was a rough draft of what I was writing. I finished the first chapter but there’s still some editing left to do.
- - May 16, 2012 at 12:44 AM
  - Quote
  wwwwhhhhoooo
  Moderator
  
  It’s been a while since I’ve watched Tokyo, so I’ll admit I’m probably not fully up to speed when attempting to read a sequel to TIT, but nevertheless, I attempted it!
  
  First of all if I may drop my two cents with regards to present/past tense of the verbage (yep, verb-age…made up a word, just felt like it)
  
  Kiyoka was addressing that most western novels are (traditionally) written past-tense (he took he landed etc) whereas present-tense, as you’ve written, would be used if one were writing in screen-play format (which is what a tv episode such as Tenchi would be written in, as is anything if it’s going to be something visual, i.e. video) though actual script format has alot more shtuff you don’t have to worry about.
  
  As Kiyoka said, it doesn’t matter which way you do it, it’s your fanfic! Write it however you want, and imo the present-tense format–even during the flashback/memories–you used here worked great! (though admittedly, was a tiny-bit confused as to where we were going, flashback? dream? etc., again if this is more written as a script the video would show us rather than telling us and it would work out fine, whereas an author of a novel has to tell us). Felt like I was ‘in the moment’ with Tenchi’s repressed memories/nightmares. Plus with fanfics, we’re not too concerned about ‘proper’ format right? It’s just for fun, and as long as the content of your material is graspable by your readers, go with it!
  
  I thought it was a good read, and as you predicted you really left us hanging with alot of questions (that’s what an author should do) and I’m also curious to see how you’ll manage incorporating Universe and oav into TIT narrative…a daunting task, imho. Well done, thanks for posting.
  
  ~~DarkRoxima wrote:~~
  
  Thanks for the editing. This was a rough draft of what I was writing. I finished the first chapter but there’s still some editing left to do.
  
  There’s always editing/re-writing to do, isn’t there? 😡 Happens to all of us, just part of the process
- - May 16, 2012 at 10:47 PM
  - Quote
  DarkRoxima
  Member
  
  Thx guys. It is going to be difficult linking universe and OAV to TiT. What I’m trying to do is use universe as the prequel to TiT and add some elements from OAV. After rewatching TiT, I desperately wanted to write this fanfic to fix a lot of mistakes from that show, even if it was a spinoff.
  
  In other words, I’m turning it into a spin-on (get it?!) :Cheeks:
- - May 16, 2012 at 11:48 PM
  - Quote
  Kiyoka
  Member
  
  ~~DarkRoxima wrote:~~
  
  Thx guys. It is going to be difficult linking universe and OAV to TiT. What I’m trying to do is use universe as the prequel to TiT and add some elements from OAV. After rewatching TiT, I desperately wanted to write this fanfic to fix a lot of mistakes from that show, even if it was a spinoff.
  
  In other words, I’m turning it into a spin-on (get it?!) :Cheeks:
  
  Mixing all 3 main continueties into one. Tricky because you can’t have everything from all the series…
- - March 21, 2014 at 3:26 AM
  - Quote
  ookamilord
  Participant
  
  nice.
- - June 8, 2014 at 11:53 PM
  - Quote
  evilpii
  Participant
  
  Though brief, this segment puts a darker twist on the ending of Shin Tenchi Muyo. Instead of Tenchi facing Yugi as the series portrays, this prologue offers an alternate path, where the protagonist is returned to the high school. There, all seems well, until the climax of the piece, seemingly a betrayal.
  
  This is an interesting idea and could be pursued further. Is Tenchi in an alternate universe, perhaps a twisted dreamscape, or merely surrounded by an illusion? The flash of light does not immediately detail what has befell the teenage guardian of Earth, if he is actually mortally wounded or merely lead to believe it. Depending on the overarching plot, lots of avenues could arise and be continued.
  
  There are a couple spelling and grammatical errors, but overall, the segment is a nice teaser for a larger work. Tenchismile

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