i can say with certainty that i agree and i find that method to be justified.
Nice job explaining that my friend! i never thought of that.
as for the critique the only major problem with this (to me) is that alot of the equipment used in the drum sets are a mystery to me.
i am not an avid music person, i like music but i don’t know the difference between a Bass and a Treble(are those even instruments?) thus some thing threw me off a little.
“The diminutive genius pressed a button on the tape deck mounted into her studio’s 19″ rack and swiftly moved back to the drumset constructed on one end of the room.”
i have no idea what a studio 19 is…. maybe a short description would help us new generations with our mp3 players…
“Washuu caught on to a bit of his method and began to click her high-hats as well as she took the next lead-Brrabababam…badabada-bup-bum-BAH!- and ended with a her hand muting the cymbal she had just hit. Her eyes narrowed at the the boy.”
I never would have guess thehy were wearing high hats… once again i’ll play the role of the stupid reader and wonder….
“The next second both drummer’s sticks came down at the same time, pounding out their rhythms like two battalions of artillery making a sounding on each other.”
Nice use of symbolism!
“After half a minute, the music lulled back and the two stayed their hands. But not their feet. Their feet kept moving, dancing like a pair of boxers waiting for the other to drop its guard.”
i think that there still playing the big drum at the bottom and not dancing right?
as i said the story is well written its plot and plot advancement is well written, but when it comes to the technical, we don’t know what you know.
you may know tons about drums and guitars, but think about the audience, what is the possibility they find this fanfiction while searching for music fanfiction?
chances are slim, people will find your fanfiction whilst searching for tenchi muyo fanfiction; thus they may not know everything about a different subject( the same goes for the show as well not everyone knows everything about tenchi muyo; or as much as you may know)
all in all just remember that your readers cannot read your mind; they wont know what a bass drum, or a treble note is.
when i write i pretend my audience is stupid (NOT THAT ANY OF THEM EVER ARE!!) that they don’t know anything about something i know about. thus i describe everything(try to anyways im still working on it myself) i can to prevent them wondering about what a high-hat is(the one thing you NEVER want is your reader getting distracted; for instance if i don’t know what a high-hat is i may stop reading your story to go google High-hats; you don’t want this as they tend to never come back to finish the read.) this can be prevented by simply getting the picture of the object into their heads, Mind implants can work but describing them tends to be less messy :p
once again i’d like to state that im not flaming you or bashing or looking down upon you as a writer i am giving you my advice on your papers, and hopefully helping you along with your fanfiction.
hope this helps!
BestRegards Shadowmann2330
